themonkeysdidit

The eagle eyed among you may be wondering what happened to part two of the shed build. Well, as part one wasn’t really part one, and I didn’t document part two, we’ll just move straight on to part three and say no more about it. So, with out further a do, ta daaaaaaa:

It took two days, a new power tool and a good bottle of red but the shed is done*! And it actually looks pretty good! I even managed to stay within the instructions for at least the first half before deciding I knew better than the bods** at B&Q and improving the shed build and design on the fly.

To celebrate we BBQ’d another chicken according to the now legendary beer can (although this time it was cider) method. Good times!

*OK, it’s not 100% done as an X brace across the back wall and some garden shrubbery type stuff in front are still required, but that’s only a small matter.

**For those in the know, the pun was fully intended.

OK, it’s not really part 1 as we’ve already bought the shed from B&Q, had it delivered (yes, amazingly they actually turned up this time) and worked out where it’s going to go (in the garden – a bit of a no brainer really). This is the first real work though, digging out the garden where the base is going to go.

We’re going for a concrete base as a fit and forget solution, which means a lot of hard work now, but no work later which sounds pretty good to me. So here it is, one hole (complete with shuttering timber frame in place – thank god it fits!) where some rather pleasant turf used to be.

In fact, I’m so impressed with my digging, here’s another shot from a slightly different angle:

And while we’re at it, check out all the turf I carefully removed:

As you may have guessed, I’m quite impressed with my handy work here! The next step is to compact the ground down, ready for the base layer of stones, it’s exciting this suburban living!

Of course, being slightly geeky, I couldn’t just spend an afternoon digging a hole with no technology to keep me motivated so I set up my camera on the tripod, teathered it to Aperture and created a small automator script to take a picture every 30s. These pictures were then imported into imovie and I created a small time lapse movie and uploaded it to you tube. Isn’t technology great!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so there you go. Yes, you are looking at a chicken with a can of Heineken where a can of Heineken shouldn’t be! Before you all think I’ve been surfing the wrong side of the internet, let me assure you I followed the instructions I found on youtube to the letter.

OK, so that doesn’t sound much better… The whole beer can chicken thing came from a friend at work who’d seen it done last year. The basic idea is, you stand the chicken up on a half full can of beer and then BBQ it. The results are clearly visible in the picture (although it’s lying down in the picture).

BBQ-ing a whole chicken at first filled me with thoughts of food poisoning, but the instructions said to BBQ it for about 2 hours, with the lid on the BBQ. So that’s what I did. I thought the coals might go out, but no, they remained red hot throughout the cooking time and you could visibly see the heat shimmer coming off the lid so it must have been hot enough.

Finally the taste. Now, I’ll be the first to admit, a lager steamed chicken does not sound the most appealing meal on a menu, but it was actually fantastic! Next up, beer keg turkey!

Do you see what I did there!

Spring has definately started to, well spring! I left work before 6 today and it was still daylight. Not only that but it was almost warm – still wearing a jacket but the <insert manly word  for leggings here> are long gone.

So I set off home in good spirits, roared through the lights opposite the station and down to the big cross roads next to the fire station. I pootled (pootled, really – where has my male vocabulary gone?) up the front of the queue of traffic waiting for the lights. This put me along side a taxi, which was OK, because I was going straight on and he wasn’t indicating left. He did inch forward slightly which through me a bit but I again checked he wasn’t indicating so thought nothing of it.

The lights turned green and the taxi of death floored it, to turn left right in front of me! Now I don’t think I’m a slouch off the starting blocks but being fuelled by macaroni cheese isn’t really a match for C₁₂H₂₃! Luckily I’d seen his attempt on my life coming so just let him go (with a few frantic hand gestures – you know what I mean!

…you end up in a cheese night and they’re playing songs you listened to the first time round!

This rather depressing state of affairs happened for the first time last night. Everything started off great, good grub in a Japanese restaurant and a few 0.57 litres of water, malt, hops and yeast and things were going well. Then it came time to move on to a late bar. As we walked up the high street, Bar Risa loomed and we decided it was as good as any. The entry fee was paid (haven’t paid to get into a bar for years!) and we were in – and slightly scared by the number of yoofs in there. Now I’m not saying we looked out of place, but the manager approached us at one point to let us know we could get in to Jongleurs upstairs where there was a cheese night happening. The general consensus was that this would be preferable so we headed up.

This is where it got a little depressing . When I was at Uni – which I commenced 10 years ago now! – a cheese night consisted of the Jackson 5 etc… Not any more, we had the musical delights of 2 unlimited, Culture Beat etc… Next they’ll be saying Men Behaving Badly is no longer cutting edge comedy!

Still, no one can deny throwing shapes to Mr Vain is a laugh – especially if you take it as seriously as we did

I kid you not! Read it, read it again to make sure your eyes weren’t feeding your brain porky pies and then – just for giggles – read it once more.

This probably requires at least a glimmer of explanation. While I use the bike for my morning commute to work*, my wife catches the local Arriva bus to the station, and then the train into London. The worst part of this journey is always the bus, and that’s saying something considering Southwest Trains are involved for the majority of the distance.

The most common problem is the buses running early. A late bus is bad, but not disastrous – you’re still going to be at the bus stop when it eventually rolls up. An early bus however is pointless; you’re not going to be there. But this seems to be the standpoint our local bus drivers wish to take. Hence we are in the situation where there is a clear timetable that the bus drivers don’t stick to. So you end up being at the bus stop up to 10 minutes early, just so you don’t miss it when it turns up and leaves before it should. Of course, when the weather is particularly bad, the rain is driving at that “there s no way to stay dry with an umbrella” angle and the commuting gods are not smiling, the buss will be late and you’ll be early.

Now, this is where the Arriva customer promise (stop sniggering) comes into force. I quote:

“If your bus leaves early or is more than 5 minutes late and we are to blame, we will ensure that your next journey is free of charge”

While proving that the bus was late and it’s Arriva’s fault will be tricky, proving they’re leaving early and it’s Arriva’s fault should be easy. There is no mention that you have to actually miss the bus when it’s early in order to claim your free journey. So, simply sit there, note the time it sets off and when it pulls into the next stop, calmly approach the driver with your pre-printed Arriva customer promise and ask for your free journey. I say calmly as I’m yet to see a happy smiling bus driver in the morning as depicted in their customer promise (a paid actor presumably).

Good luck and get claiming!

* OK, I normally cycle in, unless I’m on shift and then I’ll drive in. And unless it’s particularly icy (safety first). And.. oh OK, occasionally I cycle in.

…Me! I’m on the early shift at work this week so thought I’d share the joys of being at work for 6am!

04:50 Alarm goes off. Remember to switch it off as quickly as possible so as not to wake Gemma.

04:55 Alarm goes off again (blasted snooze button), turn alarm off fully this time.

05:10 Wake up with a start “has the alarm gone off?”, “what time is it?”, “why don’t I use the snooze feature?”

05:11 Get up and stumble for a shower, get dressed etc…

05:30(ish) Snigger at all the frosted up cars needing scraping as I get my car out of the garage.

05:40 Pull into the work car park, desperately trying to get the car pack pass out the most inaccessible pocket when wearing a seat belt, all the while promising yourself you won’t make the same mistake for the third time this week tomorrow.

05:50 Tea in mug, PC logged in, email open lets go!

06:00 – 12:00 General work stuff which is interesting, technical etc… but not relavent here.

12:00 Wander into town to grab some lunch

12:10 Eat lunch at desk so as to make a valient effort to leave work at the fabled 15:00!

15:00 So nearly there! Just a few more emails to send, one or two phone calls to make, come on, you can do it.

15:20 Made it! Navigate the car back from the depths of hell (or the Woking car park as it’s more commonly known which seems to have been built with the idea that all cars will be less than 50cm wide and be able to turn 180 degrees on the spot).

15:30 Back home with the rest of the afternoon to do something constructive.

15:40 Decide to have a quick nap first.

18:00 Tea time.

20:00 After watching rubbish on the TV for a few hours, decide that it really is time to hit the sheets again, the alarm will be going off soon.

23:00 What the? Where did those 3 hours go?

04:50 Alarm goes off…